ours

i don't have much to write today, because this weekend was the kind of weekend you spend with the kind of person you used to lie awake wondering where they were, if they were even out there, or if, since you knew where they were and why they left, they were coming back. i don't usually spare you any details, but this is an exception because there are things, even if you write about everything, that you don't write about because they are only yours and hers and that's all.

i haven't done hardly anything right in my whole life, but this hasn't been a question of who deserves what or who gets whom because they have or haven't jumped through all the right hoops, and i don't think it's ever been about that for anyone. 

this is about how grace drops into the middle of everything and ripples in every direction, and doesn't leave anything the same, or feeling the same. 

this isn't about what we thought would happen, this is about what did happen. 

this is about us. 

I ache so bad that I can't type anymore.